


I'm not sure I am (one shot)

by imthederpyfox



Series: Sanders sides [3]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Crying, Darkness, Distrust, I know its really soon after the video but i just got this idea, Panic Attack, Paranoia, Trust Issues, self deprication, self hate, small amount of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 08:20:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13566588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthederpyfox/pseuds/imthederpyfox
Summary: Could he trust them anymore? How could he...?What if Patton isn't really Patton...? Who would he turn to?





	I'm not sure I am (one shot)

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's super soon after the video and it's like half 1 in the morning for me but omg this video just gave me an idea and I really wanna do it so I hope you guys like it!

He tried to remain calm in front of the others. He tried his best. But here he was, curled up in the corner, gripping his hair and biting his lip so hard it bled while his breaths got shorter and shorter.   
He didn't want to be associated with them. He wanted his friends. Think of his friends...   
Roman, witty, extravagant, over the top Princey.   
Logan, calculative, smart, grounding Logan.   
Patton...   
Patton was kind and funny and WOULD NEVER LIE. Patton was his rock. His shoulder to cry on, his ear to ramble and rant to, his warm light in the middle of a dark sea as a storm churned on around him.   
Patton hadn't been Patton.   
Patton had been Deceit.   
Deceit had lied.   
Deceit had hurt him.  
Time and time again.   
But this time...? How was he supposed to move on from this? His rock had been taken, his light had been taken out and replaced by the bright yellow glow that Deceit's eye often held.   
He gripped at his hair once more, a sob escaping inbetween ragged breathing and shaking limbs that were cramping and contracting and he knew would leave him exhausted after.   
He didnt try the exercises, he couldn't at this point. All he could think was Patton wasn't himself.   
Something had twisted Virgil's insides when Pat-Deceit had began yelling and talking like his usual self instead of fun loving Patton. Virgil knew something was off. The entire time it felt wrong.   
Deceit was good but he wasn't an actor. He was full on lies. But still... The others hadn't noticed. What if he took over one of them? What if he took over Virgil himself? What if he took over Patton again and Virgil didn't notice?   
Virgil sobbed more and more and his breathing faltered again and again.   
And in the sea of despair and pain and darkness, he felt a soft but firm weight on his back.   
He couldn't uncurl himself to see what or who it was, but soon he heard a voice break through the waves.   
"Virgil? Kiddo? Come on just breathe..."   
He tried to pull away, he cried harder, grimacing at the idea that deceit had taken over his rock again, all to come and trick Virgil and tease him and bully him as all the dark sides had done since he was accepted by the main group.   
"Kiddo... It's me." Patton's voice came again, sounding hurt but mainly concerned and understanding.   
"H-how... How do... How do I k-know that...?" Virgil managed to breathe. "You're him... You cou-could be him..." He gripped at his hair even more and he felt Patton attempt to uncurl his bloodied fingers from his purple hair. "You're him..."   
"Virgil, I'm not him, please trust me. I'm your happy pappy!" He could almost hear Patton smile. But in his mind it changed to the snear deceit wears so snuggly on his scaley face.   
"Youre gonna leave me... I won't have anyone... Not you o-or... Or Logan or Roman... He's go-gonna take you away from me... And... And then I'll be a-all alone... I don't wanna lose you... Yo-youre my best friend..." He sobbed harder, just managing to push the words out.   
"Come on kiddo... Breathe with me." The elder trait held the youngest hand and held it to his heart so he could find comfort in the beating. "Everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine~" he began softly singing. "Cuz I got one hand in my pocket~" at that point Virgil heard a small panting sound and looked up to see a puppy sat in Patton's hoody pocket. He managed to keep his eyes on the puppy, making himself focus in on reality. "And the other one is givin a high five~" Patton continued, slowly holding out his hand for Virgil with a small tug on his lips.   
Virgil managed to muster the strength to give the elder a small high five, and pretty soon he was able to breathe. Patton had also moved him round so that Virgil's head was resting on his lap and he was softly sifting his hands through the purple hair.   
"I can't lose you Patton... Please don't ever leave me..."   
"I won't, V. I promise, kiddo."   
After a few more minutes Virgil returned to normal, though silent tears still rolled down his cheeks, neither of them mentioned it apart from Patton softly wiping the tear tracks away with his sleeve.   
When he knew it would be OK, the elder picked up the anxious side - knowing he would be too exhausted to move himself - and carried his over to the bed, laying him down under the covers and curling up with him, the puppy at the end of the bed and Patton's arm softly and protectively around Virgil.   
"I'm never gonna leave you kiddo... Never."   
Virgil let himself smile a little, though it was sad and short lived. This was Patton... It must be Patton right?   
Patton knew what was happening in Virgil's mind, and oh how he wanted to fix it. Once Logan had explained what had happened he was quick to come to the youngests room. He would always protect his boy, and as he pulled Virgil closer and kissed him on the head, he made sure to remind him that and remind him just how much he and the others loved him, and how nobody could ever take that away from them.


End file.
